When I was young, I pictured a marriage life was like living in a castle with your prince who will pamper you with golds and jewelries. Well, this perception was changed when I was twelve years old and since then, I learned how complicated and tiring a marriage life could be. Lots of contempt, harsh words, and perhaps infidelity that happened between a husband and a wife in a marriage relationship. So, I said to myself, “Uhmm… are you sure you want to get married one day??”
With that change of mindset, I embarked on a faraway journey. I pursued a degree in a faraway land in hoping that maybe I was wrong and maybe I got something out of this decision. The reality was that I got sort of “unique packages” from my trip to a faraway land. Studying and working abroad definitely taught me many good things, but at the same time my view in marriage has not changed even though I removed myself from the “hot” zone. What more interesting was that I ended up working in a field that required me to observe and interact with married couples. I personally found this fact amusing because I didn’t specifically asked for it, but it was part of my job descriptions. I often wonder if perhaps this is God’s will or something.
Thanks to my job that I slowly was able to make lists of the tricks that could be implemented by anyone who is in the marriage relationship to maintain a healthy marriage life. These 10 tricks can help couples to clean up their marriage’s spider web. We know how tangled and yucky a spider web is, and unhealthy marriage life looks like that spider web.
Trick number 1 is both sides must have equally genuine effort to maintain healthy and loving marriage life. If there’s no effort then it will be quick to see a rupture in a marriage relationship. The key is both you and your spouse must exercise equal effort. Two are better and stronger than one.
Trick number 2 is stable income. Having a stable income in a marriage life is very important especially when children are present in the family. Strictly no gambling! Gambling not only affects your income, but also damages your marriage.
Trick number 3 is to have one same faith in a family. This is a sensitive topic, but if it is possible for a husband and a wife to have a same faith then please do it. This should be your priority when you plan to get married, what if he/she wants to practice a different belief, can I handle it? This type of talk is more important than talking about how much dress you need to spend on your wedding day. There are plenty of good reasons why couples who plan to get married must take a pre-marital class through their religions/beliefs. So, don’t skip the class!
Trick number 4 is to share similar goals. Leading a marriage life but you and your spouse have different goals will look like a plane whose pilot and a co-pilot argue about which destinations they should be heading to. Can you imagine what will happen with the plane? It can fall and threaten those who are on the plane because the pilots do not share same final destination in their minds.
Trick number 5 is to be realistic. This means getting real. Face the issues, find the solutions, and solve the issues. Don’t dwell on too much “what if” and “he/she should have known.”
Trick number 6 is to avoid infidelity at any cost. Engaging in this type of activity means you hurt yourself and those who live with you. This includes do not watch porn movies!
Trick number 7 is to learn to forgive and let go of grudges. This is hard but one must keep learning to forgive and to not hold grudges if you want your marriage lasts longer and also to keep your sanity.
Trick number 8 is to keep the love sparkling. Just remember the old time when you tried to win his/her heart. Do the same thing like you did in the past to cheer him/her.
Trick number 9 is to share responsibility in a household. Make a list of chores for you and another list for your spouse. If you have kids, share the chores with them, too.
Trick number 10 is to have a flexibility. Cannot be too rigid. Sometimes, it’s ok to go with the flow or do something outside the daily ritual.
Those are 10 tricks that could straighten and hopefully clear the spider web out from your marriage life. It takes effort and that’s why both sides must show efforts and do it with full and open heart.