[Opinion]: Marriage’s Spider Web

When I was young, I pictured a marriage life was like living in a castle with your prince who will pamper you with golds and jewelries. Well, this perception was changed when I was twelve years old and since then, I learned how complicated and tiring a marriage life could be. Lots of contempt, harsh words, and perhaps infidelity that happened between a husband and a wife in a marriage relationship. So, I said to myself, “Uhmm… are you sure you want to get married one day??”

With that change of mindset, I embarked on a faraway journey. I pursued a degree in a faraway land in hoping that maybe I was wrong and maybe I got something out of this decision. The reality was that I got sort of “unique packages” from my trip to a faraway land. Studying and working abroad definitely taught me many good things, but at the same time my view in marriage has not changed even though I removed myself from the “hot” zone. What more interesting was that I ended up working in a field that required me to observe and interact with married couples. I personally found this fact amusing because I didn’t specifically asked for it, but it was part of my job descriptions. I often wonder if perhaps this is God’s will or something.

Thanks to my job that I slowly was able to make lists of the tricks that could be implemented by anyone who is in the marriage relationship to maintain a healthy marriage life. These 10 tricks can help couples to clean up their marriage’s spider web. We know how tangled and yucky a spider web is, and unhealthy marriage life looks like that spider web.

Trick number 1 is both sides must have equally genuine effort to maintain healthy and loving marriage life. If there’s no effort then it will be quick to see a rupture in a marriage relationship. The key is both you and your spouse must exercise equal effort. Two are better and stronger than one.

Trick number 2 is stable income. Having a stable income in a marriage life is very important especially when children are present in the family. Strictly no gambling! Gambling not only affects your income, but also damages your marriage.

Trick number 3 is to have one same faith in a family. This is a sensitive topic, but if it is possible for a husband and a wife to have a same faith then please do it. This should be your priority when you plan to get married, what if he/she wants to practice a different belief, can I handle it? This type of talk is more important than talking about how much dress you need to spend on your wedding day. There are plenty of good reasons why couples who plan to get married must take a pre-marital class through their religions/beliefs. So, don’t skip the class!

Trick number 4 is to share similar goals. Leading a marriage life but you and your spouse have different goals will look like a plane whose pilot and a co-pilot argue about which destinations they should be heading to. Can you imagine what will happen with the plane? It can fall and threaten those who are on the plane because the pilots do not share same final destination in their minds.

Trick number 5 is to be realistic. This means getting real. Face the issues, find the solutions, and solve the issues. Don’t dwell on too much “what if” and “he/she should have known.”

Trick number 6 is to avoid infidelity at any cost. Engaging in this type of activity means you hurt yourself and those who live with you. This includes do not watch porn movies!

Trick number 7 is to learn to forgive and let go of grudges. This is hard but one must keep learning to forgive and to not hold grudges if you want your marriage lasts longer and also to keep your sanity.

Trick number 8 is to keep the love sparkling. Just remember the old time when you tried to win his/her heart. Do the same thing like you did in the past to cheer him/her.

Trick number 9 is to share responsibility in a household. Make a list of chores for you and another list for your spouse. If you have kids, share the chores with them, too.

Trick number 10 is to have a flexibility. Cannot be too rigid. Sometimes, it’s ok to go with the flow or do something outside the daily ritual.

Those are 10 tricks that could straighten and hopefully clear the spider web out from your marriage life. It takes effort and that’s why both sides must show efforts and do it with full and open heart.

Do Your Best Because You Never Know How Short Life Could Be

Last month, I was shocked by the news of the sudden death of someone whom my family knew very well. He has always been a good person in my eyes, so I was completely surprised to learn that I would not be able to see him again. Thinking about his children even made me feeling sadder. I hoped his children could handle this situation well because I could imagine how scary it would be for them to continue their lives after their father’s death.

Four years ago, my Dad was hospitalized for a week, and throughout that week, I cried on and off. It never crossed my mind that my parents could leave me alone in this world permanently. That one time event has changed my point of view about life and specifically preparing life after someone’s death.

Events, such as serious illness and death are not the things that I specifically receive in school. Thanks to age and maturity, I learned to understand these events wisely. Out of the things that I read and heard from people, getting over the regret feeling is the hardest one. Too often, we do things without thinking of the consequences, only later we regret from not doing it the way we should be. I’ve heard so much from relatives how sorry they were from not taking time to listen and spend time with their loved ones while they were still alive.

This new understanding has then shaped the way I interact with my parents and do my everyday activities. I started to pay attention to my parents’ health and do extra miles in my own way to ease their burden. Of course, we still have disagreements here and there, but I have done at my best to make things better for them, as possible as I could. Likewise, in my own personal life, I learn to not take things too personally. I also learn to always think pros and cons before saying and explaining something to clients. Definitely, I have more things to do while I am still alive, and I try to do each of it with genuine heart. This is because I don’t want to feel bad later on. It is because I understand that life is precious and so I must use it wisely.

As Pretty As Red Roses

Lady, oh lady

Yes, you lady

Such a sweet lady

Aging makes you look graceful

Lady, cast your worries

Embrace the world with confident smile

Walk straight and straighten your collar

Crazy?

No, lady, you aren’t crazy

You are a talented lady with gracious vision

Lady, oh lady

My sweet lady

Hope all your wishes come true

Let this year be the prettiest year ever for you

As pretty as the red roses

Happy Birthday, my Lady!

Precious Life

Love the life you currently live.

Love the work you do.

Love the people with whom you work with.

Love the people who have been with you through up and down.

Love the God who creates you.

Love the talent that God has been given you with.

Love your body, mind, and health.

Live, love, laugh and give thanks.

Look Forward

I look forward for the days when daily life is running smoothly and no worries.

I look forward for the freedom of doing things I want to do without bothering what people said to me.

I look forward for the time when I could feel peace and joy all around my body.

I look forward for a moment when harsh words are not ringing on my ears.

Look forward and keep believing.

Should?

Should a woman marry someone?

Should a guy marry someone?

Should we marry someone just because others think we should get married?

Should we worry with what others say to us?

Shouldn’t we choose the life we want to be?

Shouldn’t be okay if solitude life is good for now?

Shouldn’t be fine if marriage life with kids are not our priorities?

Should or should not is our choice. We should be able to decide our lives, what we want to do, with whom we want to live with, and more.

Sip It Like You Drink Your Coffee

Our lifestyles resemble coffee brands.

Our life issues remind us of the sizes of coffee cup that we choose when we drink coffee.

The way we handle the issues is similar to how we drink our coffee. Some like to sip it while it is still hot, fresh brewed. Some like to wait for a few minutes. Others like to drink it cold.

Eventually, each of us will sip and finish drinking our coffee. Life issues may not all gone completely, but it will slowly dissipate just like when we drink our coffee. It takes time.

A Must-Have Attitude to Survive in The Dynamic Society

I believe in the idea that hard work and persistency are followed by desired outcome. However, I admit that the waiting time from the moment we start the work until we actually see the desired result is varied. It depends on the type of the work that we do. For example, it took a while for Steve Job to invent, design, and finally launch iPhone successfully and reap its rewards. On another note, the medical research to find cures for medical illness such as HIV is still ongoing, but many patients have received preventive care and treatments to lessen the pain.

Why being persistent and hard working are crucial traits in a job? Because it tells others and ourselves that we love our work. It also reflects on the product that we create or service that we deliver. Picture a smart doctor but this doctor is rude. Will you come back to see this doctor again? Probably no. You probably choose another doctor who is not as famous as that doctor, but this doctor listens to you, provides assistance that you need the most, and treats you as an equal person.

Now, at some point in our lives, we come across people who expect immediate results without examining the core area and (perhaps) fail to look back on how far the project/goal has been accomplished. This case usually happens to people whose loved ones are sick and/or suffering from mental health disorders. It could also happened to any companies that expect quick return of investment, as soon as the production is started. If any of you happen to experience this situation, I strongly advice you to think positive and look on the brighter side. You could weep for 5 minutes, and that’s it, no more weeping. Get up and go back to work. I personally think it’s a human nature to be slightly impatient and perhaps greedy, looking for more and better. Thus, any unpleasant comments or words coming out from clients should not make your heart small. Instead, use those words to motivate you to perform better. We should not worry about “what if so and so….” ,as long as we have been doing our work correctly and on the top of that, we show genuine effort to deliver the best performance to our customers.

I understand putting all of this into practice is not easy. It comes with practice and experience. It also comes with understanding that no one is perfect, but willingness to learn and move forward is a must-have attitude that we should have whether we are students, professionals, or simply an adult.

When I am Old and Gray

When I’m old and gray,

… I will celebrate my journey of life.

… I will cherish my moment here and now.

… I will reminisce all of the hard work that I’ve done.

… I will share my life lessons to younger generation.

When I’m old and gray,

… I will enjoy the slow pace of my life.

… I will do one thing at a time.

… I will thank people who have been supported me all years long.

… I will give thanks to God who gives me strength and wisdom.

After 37 Years

May 3 marks my parents’ 37th wedding anniversary. 37 is a big number for them and for our entire family, because it takes so much love, pray, forgiveness and healthy mind to be able to lead a life as a husband and wife in today’s dynamic society.

I have learned from their marriage is that the continuity and strength of our family is built based on a teamwork between parents and children. This means that each of us has a responsibility to keep up with every tiny aspect in our family, whether it is a happy or sad moment and to try at our best to keep our family together.

I have also learned that the acts of verbally saying “I love you sweetheart” between married couple is not enough. They need to do more than that because the reality of marriage life involves acceptance, support, fidelity, forgiveness, finance, and the ability to move forward as a team of husband and wife. Putting this together, we could picture an image of husband and wife as ship’s captains with children as crews, together they sail and conquer the sea.

Now that 37 years have passed, my prayer to them and to our family is that we continue to support each other and lead a simple healthy life. I also pray that each of us continue to learn let go of grudges and forgive more and enjoy the moment.