A Prayer to A Lover

By grace through faith, I shall see you again.

You who have been so distant from me. Yet, I still think about you.

I hope to see and hear your voice. 
You who are far away from me. Yet, I still feel close to you.

Love is a sad thing, but world is sad without love.

I don’t know if I still could fall in love again, but I hope you will make me fall in love with you over and over again.

A Prayer to A Lover

Something about Nightmare 

Have you ever had a nightmare and you wish you didn’t have it on the first place? I hate the kind of nightmare where I am involuntary separated from someone special in that dream. I don’t like hearing the word “death,” too, because I am not ready losing people who are close to me. So, a nightmare that is about one’s death is definitely not my preferred dream. 

I am told that everybody including me would die. Death is a part of the natural human’s life cycle. I should not be scared, right? But, it’s hard to not feel scared and worried. 

The nightmare kept me awake all night. It makes me feel nervous the next day because I am afraid what if the nightmare turns real. I am just not ready to be separated from someone who means the world to me. I am hoping to get answers. 

This morning, I sat on the church. The sermon talked how God loves us more than a mother loves her baby. The priest also told us to not be worry because God is merciful. And so, it came to my understanding that God owns our life, and He loves us dearly. Losing someone due to death is a sad thing, but it will not be a forever sad. Good thing will come up, like rainbow after rain. Don’t think it too hard, but knowing that it will happen and when it happens, God will make it beautiful in His ways. 

Something about Nightmare 

Christmas Comes Double This Year 

Christmas is a special holiday to me mostly because I am a big fan of a Christmas tree. I am longing to have a pretty Christmas tree in my house ever since I was a kid. The problem is that there has been a lot of consideration every time I want to buy my own Christmas tree. As a result, I end up not having it until now, though, deep down, I want to have my own Christmas tree. 
When I have my Christmas tree, I surely will light it up days and nights. I will not get bored staring at my own Christmas tree because it looks simply beautiful to me. I will feel warm, safe, and joyful just from looking at the tree. 

Lifetime partner is like a Christmas tree to me. I long to have a lifetime partner, but I have lots of things to do and other issues to consider, and so, just like my Christmas tree situation, I am still not getting a lifetime partner. The desired feeling that I wish to have from my lifetime partner is similar to the feelings I described when I stare at my Christmas tree. Warm, safe, joyful. 

People say we should believe in the magic of Christmas, and so maybe, perhaps, I finally have a Christmas tree and will be able to share the joy with my lifetime partner on the Christmas Eve. Perhaps Christmas comes double this year. Maybe, maybe, never say no. 

Christmas Comes Double This Year 

3L: Live your Life Lively 

3 is such a big number for me because number 3 is associated with the important events in my life. 

I moved back to my hometown after 3 years over 6 months working full time in a faraway land. It was a sad moment at that time. I definitely would like to stay in both places (faraway land and hometown) if I have an authority to make it happened. 

I realized after 3 years that I would not graduate from a friendship zone with Taxi Driver. It ended in a distant-no contact zone. I am no longer in the grieving stage and feel relieved that I am finally able to move beyond that stage. 

I have been trying to get into the specific training program 3x and is still on the pending status. I am thankful that they haven’t blocked my email or name from their server. 

As 2016 will end in two months, the beginning of 2017 will mark my 3 years work anniversary as a freelancer. My job is probably among the greatest achievement I ever had despite of life turbulence for the past two years and 11 months.  Although I am not paid that much, but the job itself is very rewarding. 

3 is also the length of time I have been in the reconnected-lost-reconnected-lost cycle with Doktor. We ended up choosing different paths, but, there’s always a possibility that our path will cross again. 

All in all, I have learned to “remove”people and revise life goals that I think no longer important to me. I also conclude that life is something that we have to deal day by day. It’s never been easy, but every action that we make on daily basis is always meaningful when we look at it from different angle. There are lots of books writing about life advices, but to me, God is the best life advisor.  

“When life gives you a lemon, make a lemonade.” 

3L: Live your Life Lively